Hello everybody, I have another character from a book for you today, I hope she is aware she isn’t real, could get awkward real fast. I would like to welcome Beth to this interview, she featured in a brill book I recently read called Jane by Riya Anne Polcastro and she will be featuring in an upcoming book called Dentata.
Q1. Hello Beth, how are you doing? Could you tell us a bit about yourself?
I’m doing fantastic, really fantastic. I’m so happy to be here! About myself . . . that’s so hard! Let’s see, I grew up in a small town in Oregon. The kind where they still expect you to marry your high school sweetheart and pop out some babies. My high school boyfriend was a terrible person and then I fell in love with a girl so that obviously wasn’t going to work for me. Turns out she was also a terrible person too since she started cheating and left me within a month of our wedding. So I’m really kind of heartbroken right now. I just need some acceptance—acceptance and love. Even if it’s just platonic love. Platonic love sounds real good right now actually. Wow! That was depressing! How about something a little more upbeat. Oh I know, I love to scrap book! Yeah really! Why are you rolling your eyes? Some of those supplies will come in handy in Dentata, just saying.
Q2. You are part of the “Circle” in the book Jane. Could you give a run down of the other members and what you think of them?
Well first there’s Julia. She is my best friend! And such a strong, strong woman. I can’t imagine going through half the stuff she’s been through. But she just keeps on keeping on, just keeps pushing forward. I guess you could say I admire her. Yeah, yeah, I do look up to her, for sure. Angela is hilarious. She does great impressions. And she’s super loyal. Jane I’m not as sure about. She’s still friends with my ex-wife, which just, you know, well I don’t like it anyway. Katrina is a lot of fun. A lot of fun! Something may or may not have happened between us at some point, I’m not at liberty to say. Cherry shouldn’t even be anywhere near us, to be honest. You know she’s not even 18 right? What are we thinking? But she’s a lot of fun. And she’s definitely mature for her age.
Q3. What is the most outrageous thing you have done so far?
Oh wow, that’s a hard one too. My life has really amped up since The Circle. A lot of sex. A lot of threesomes! A lot of alcohol. And a lot of drugs. And I’m probably the tamest one of all! Well except maybe Cherry, we don’t let her do drugs. I guess that is probably the most outrageous thing I’ve done—falling for Cherry. At least for now. The absolute most outrageous doesn’t happen until Dentata, so I won’t put any spoilers out there, but I am about to take it to a fucked up new level.
Q4. Seeing as you are a character in a book, if you could jump ship and join another book which would you choose and how would you alter the story?
Hmmmm Tolstoy’s Anna Karenina. Yeah. I would swoop in and steal Anna’s affections. Vronsky wouldn’t have a chance to ruin her life, and she would be free of her stodgy old husband. And she would be so happy with me! I would treat her like such a queen, we would raise Seryozha together, and that terrible ending would never happen. We would live happily ever after instead!
Q5. Here’s a question from Abbygayle, aged 7, from Upper Twatton. “I loved reading about you in Jane, my mum said it wasn’t appropriate for a 7 year old but I said “Whatever”. My favourite movie is Frozen and I was wanting to build a snowman but it never snows where I live, have you ever built one and do you have a picture of it for me?
I’ve built tons of snowmen Abbie, how did you know?! It’s one of my favourite things to do! I’m sorry I don’t have a picture for you though. But maybe we can build a snowman together if I am ever in Upper Twatton. Does it snow a lot there?
(Abbygayle) “It has never snowed in Upper Twatton, the lucky people in Lower Twatton get all the snow…all year round, imagine that! I could build a snow army there.“
Q6. If you were to join a dating site who would be the perfect partner for you?
Let’s see, she’d probably be average height, on the thin side. Funny. She’s got to be funny! And athletic. And good with tools so she can fix stuff around the house. She has to get along with my friends and not be all judgy judgy like everyone I grew up around. Maybe if she could also be a man so that my family would accept her. I don’t want a man though, so if she could just appear as a man to them somehow . . . What? You said perfect, you didn’t say anything about plausible right?
Q7. Could you give the readers a book recommendation to sit on our fake library?
Caramelo by Sandra Cisneros. It’s the kind of book that transports you into its world, wraps you in the story’s culture, and just brings you face to face with humanity and human motivation and the strange dynamics of families and how messed up and awesome life can be at the same time.
Q8. When there is nobody reading a book that you are in what do you do in your downtime?
You mean there isn’t always someone reading a book I am in? That’s disappointing! Maybe I should find a more popular author to tell my story. Really though, it doesn’t seem like I have much downtime. This Polcastro chick has me running laps with Dentata coming out this summer. I already mentioned scrap booking right? Right, yeah. Well I love it. I just love crafty stuff in general. I like to party too. Got that from The Circle. Some gin and juice, maybe a couple of lines, a bowl or two. That’s my perfect night right there. It used to be leading youth group in worship and prayer. Funny how much I’ve changed already, and how much more I am about to.
Q9. Describe the perfect meal. Include food, setting and company.
The perfect meal is definitely a picnic. It would start with brie and prosciutto and crackers. Oh and grapes. A little champagne. It would be just me and Sami, in a meadow full of wildflowers. She will have realized the error of her ways and come grovelling back to me. For our entrée we would have cucumber sandwiches and macaroni salad and big old slices of watermelons. Then, for dessert, chocolate covered strawberries and more champagne. Sami would feed me the strawberries and then she would kiss me. I would melt into her and we would make sweet, sweet love right there in the meadow.
Q10. It’s the Trump question that I always leave to the end. What would you do if you ever met him?
*Sigh. I would ask him why he has so much hate in his heart. Another *sigh. That’s really a better question for Jane. She’d probably do like that woman at the Tim Horton’s in Langley and take a dump, scoop it up with her bare hand, and throw it at him. I couldn’t do that though. I kind of wish I could, but I wouldn’t be able to.